MARRIAGE CRISIS IN THE CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN SOCIETY VOL. 2.

Another factor that can become a touchstone to the sterling peace of a marriage in African is that, at the moment of crises, some couple make the mistake of inviting and submitting to the mistake to the third party, who even unaware of the problem compared with those involved. The resultant effect would be to aggravate the problem than solving it. The problem can actually be to settled if the parties look inwards and tolerate each other.

When you read SARADA DEVI's quat and look back into some marital crises that emerge due to unguided utterances whereby the couple carry their family pride to their marriages to the detriment of the union.

Worse still, unnecessary comparison especially among women that Mr A and B are living in high brow areas and so on should not be a ground to breath down the neck of your hubby.

Women should learn to identify with the financial strength of their husband. In addition, it is better to mention that the agitation for gender equality is dangerously rearing its ugly head into the mentality of some Africans.

Beside, God never created male and female as equals. One is meant to love and lord over the other, while the other is to obey, as far as it is not sinful.

Unfortunately, it is not so anymore. Different opinion group, advocacy or agitation group allbplay abrole in the make or mar of marriages. Couples should therefore be careful of indoctrination and be able to make their marriage work.

Against this backdrop, the effects of divorce are not far-fetched. One of which is a broken home.

This picture above signified what we are experiencing in our various family, today we are full of experiences of how broken home, as a result of divorce have ruin the future of many potential youths. More often than not, leading them to different kinds of immoral behaviors, among them commercial sexual practices from the side of the female ones, thereby exposes them to the dreaded HIV/AIDS of unwanted pregnancy.

Most boys from broken home find armed robbery as the only way of sustaining themselves, since their parents have denied them of paternal cares and concerns.

I most mention that an individual problem according to sociologist inevitably becomes a societal problem. This assertion can be accepted because the immoral behavior of an armed robber ends up on innocent members of the society.

Indications therefore emerge that we must collectively stand up against divorce if we really want to tackle poverty as stipulated by the Millennium Development Goals (MDG)2015.

Women must shun the attitude of materialism. This is because it does not favour them. I was in a bus, a group of young men were arguing as to what are basic things you need to give a woman to win her over? One answer that was common and that made me feel ashamed of myself is that you have to lie to a woman for her to love you.

Women should be challenged to proof them wrong! Parents on their side should allow their children decide whom they want to leave with their lives and how they want to leave. Gone are the days when parents were seeing to exercising absolute control on their children. So, family members should be friends in progress rather than enemies of progress.

IN CONCLUSION:
It is Worthy to mention that the Gospel upholds marriage as the unity of two minds, two hearts, two bodies into one (matt 19:5-6) this unity was ordained by God who by divine choice created human beings as individuals.

God fashioned marriage and allow human beings the option of choice so that marriage will not be a mindless and involuntary lumping together of opposites and opposing genders.

He rather left it open-ended so that various levels of consideration with regard to time; when to marry and when to settle down and many other considerations.

Since th

The state of marriage today is for all intents and purposes, a global concern.

Available statistics can be alarming. The United State has the highest degree of divorce state in the world. South Korea take the second place in this league. In Western Europe, it was gathered that 40% of marriage end in divorce within the first three to four years. The number of one parent family is steadily on the increase; the inexorable demands of homosexual and lesbian couples for more rights of bisexual families send a shoulder on those whose view of family life is still traditional.

Reference: https://www.google.com/search?q=highest%20divorce%20state%20in%20the%20world&gws_rd=ssl#gws_rd=ssl&xxri=0

In the face of all these and more problems, we in Africa, and Nigeria in particular, can have the tendency to view our family situation from the prism of what is prevalent elsewhere. More often than not, we hear of Marriage crisis dailies, magazine and in public discussion. The fact however is that we are not yet there if what we mean by marriage crisis is what we prevalent in more economically advanced countries.

Nevertheless, we cannot offer a cleans bill of health to African society as regards the crises of marriage. This is predicted on the fact that African characters are not immune from certain existing marital problems that could bring marriage to its knees. Such problems include; importance, childlessness, lack of male issue, unfulfilled sexual life, infidelity, lack of prayer life etc.

There are also other vices that could introduce crisis into marriage such as hatred, unfaithfulness, impatience, wickedness, jealousy, and envy, boastfulness, rudeness, selfishness, suspicion, despair and so on.

Indications therefore emerge that marriage in Africa is bedevilled with so many problems that have not only continued to threaten it as an institution but also, led to her breaking down irretrievably or strained and headed for the rocks.

More often than not, parents have refused or rather don't seem to understand that having married, their children cease to be under their control and somewhat overbearing influence. As a result, they still want to dictate and live the live the life of their married children for them, like telling them how they have lived with their own Mother or Father and expecting them to emulate them.

This often lead to either the man or woman saying "In my house or place, we don't do like that", hence the beginning of crises. Worse till , when it is discovered that a man is giving his wife, as she deserves, his parents interpret that to mean he has 'charmed'. But what is wrong with when a woman charms her husband with her love, care, concern and responsible attitude? Does she not deserve to get the same?

Materialism is a serious factor that leads to the breakdown of marriages. This is more so because, when a man is seeking the hand of a woman in marriage in African to be precise, he pretends a lot. He claims he owns or can do what he knows he is not capable of doing.
And the women who are so much inclined to marrying only the well to do individuals hardly investigate the claims by these suitors, there by landing themselves in homes that are far from their imaginations and dreams.

This becomes the beginning of their life-long problems. The men on their side believe that since the marriage have been concluded, there is nothing she can do about it rather than to exercise patience. But far from that, the woman will deliberately want to frustrate him by refusing to do what is expected of her as a wife and the resultant effect could be divorce. And she goes back to square one.

Similarly, men are of the habit of looking for girls that are from a well to do family not minding the moral, social and spiritual aspect of the woman. As soon as they are settling into their matrimonial home, they find it difficult to bear certain unwelcome attitudes of these women, who may probably be spoiled children or may want to dominate them and

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chauvinism/feminist/stop violence attack to women

I want to be that feminist who changes the world.- Sarah Nannyondo
We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at hatever cost, must be attained – Marie Curie
It’s not your job to like me, it’s mine.– Byron Katie.

The empowered woman is powerful beyond measure and beautiful beyond description.- Steve Marabali
We can not all succeed when half of us are held back– Malala Yousafzai
The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.– Ayn Rand
Better to be strong than pretty and useless.

I’m not obsessed with feminism. I’m one of those people who loathe being labelled in anyway – ‘isms’ aren’t my thing. Though I wouldn’t call myself a feminist, I’m also not in favour of harassing people who call themselves feminists. I respect my feminist friends and I’m not in favour of blaming the feminists for all the world’s problems. Generalising people on the basis of something they believe in is not a wise thing to do. I’ve been always passionate about the subject of women empowerment, but it was only few months ago when I noticed the stigma against this term. First of all, the moment you whisper ‘women empowerment’, brace yourself for titles such as ‘yahudi agent’, and ‘brainwashed feminists’ – and if these aren’t enough, you can even get accused of being a rebel who’s against Islamic values. I won’t go deeper in the ‘Islamic values’ part, but there are things I think need to be put straight for the sake of all those wonderful women who’re on the right path to empowerment and enlightenment.

A.
If the west has certain ideas about empowerment, which we happen to dislike, this does not mean we have to act blind to our own realities. Our whole society needs many forms of empowerment. And if some people choose to highlight the need of a certain form of empowerment, say youth empowerment, or women empowerment, there’s nothing wrong with that. When you are teaching an illiterate to read and write, you’re also empowering them in a way. If you are inspiring positivity into someone, you are helping them empower themselves. Empowerment comes in many ways. Shallow judgement is the very thing that is generating so much unrest in our society. There are manipulative elements around who use the dilemma faced by women for their own interests. There are also people who’re using religion, politics, and technology in selfish and destructive ways. Using such negative elements as an excuse to reject the need to bring some positive change about is pointless.

B.
I don’t know much about feminism but the concept of women empowerment is unnecessarily related to it. When the idea of empowerment with regards to a certain community comes into consideration – whether women, minorities, youth, or the whole nation – it means that some form of exploitation and problems are around. We talk about women empowerment because, unless we’re living in total denial, we can clearly see that majority of the Pakistani women is not living in any kind of heaven. There are many parts of the country where women suffer at the hands of absurd traditions like honour killing, Karo Kari, Vanni. There are parts of the country where a woman faces exploitation from male relatives in the matters of property. Catcalling is our national sport. There’s a huge stigma against a woman refusing a proposal or trying to have a say in the matter of her marriage.

C.
Like it or not, we just cannot abolish women’s role in the way our society functions. Even if you lock them up in their houses, they’re going to have an impact in the upbringing of your children. The right to education, health, protection against violence, harassment, and exploitation of rights such as share in property, and being able to own their personal property, are the major things which no one ever should be able to deny. The timid and mediocre role of women, which God knows why we keep on insisting to be their fate, is actually ruining the whole society. I’ve seen people whining about how the ‘saas bahu’ feuds are ruining their peace (which is true in many cases). The question is: Who’s responsible for this behaviour? If these behaviours are so destructive, then why do we insist on keeping women stuck in them? Why the idea of mentally strong women freaks us out?

E.
Empowerment is not a dirty word. When Islam came to the Arab lands, empowerment took place there and then. Equality was promoted, slavery was discouraged, killing of infant girls was prohibited, people were advised to pay the labourers their wages immediately, racism was discouraged and all these were all forms of empowerment.

Today am happy that it's another wonderful opportunity to continue the next vol. on the above subject matter.

Also, it is very important for those who missed the previous vol.1 of this article to endeavour and read them. I will be dropping the links to the previous vol.1 at the end of this article.

Continuation of vol1:
Male chauvinism and challenges of contemporary African women vol.2:

Across South Africa and Nigeria, women are still discriminated against "On Match 16, Nigeria legislators refused to pass for the second reading, the bill on gender equality. The bill titled "Gender parity and prohibition of violence against women" would have among other things provided women quality in marriage, education, and opportunities. Some of the legislators citied religious and cultural reasons. Section 26 (2) (a) of the 19199 Nigerian constitution denies a woman to confer citizenship status on her foreign husband but greats that to men. Section 353 of the criminal code says that anyone who unlawfully assaults a man commits a felony and doles out three years imprisonment for such an offence, while sanity 360 says that anyone who assaults a woman is guilty of misdemeanor and bags two years only. Section 55 of the labour acts also ban women from working in any industrial place, or undertaking in any work at night. Under the Nigeria penal code guiding the Northern part of grievous harm aimed at the correction of male chauvinism is a recurring diet in the wife by the husband.
This indices of male chauvinism is a recurring diet in the action of African men including prominent leaders. Recently, during a state visit to the German republic, president Muhammad Buhari of Nigeria told the bewildered audience that his wife belongs to the kitchen and other room in reaction to the criticism raised against his government by his wife.

It seems that Africa has produced leaders renowned for their sexists and masculinists driven comments primarily targeted at women.
In South Africa, President Jacob Zuman has endured a turbulent presidency because of his sexists comment against women, and persistent accusation that he taped a woman named Kwezi before he became president. In Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe has become famous for his diatribe and caricature of women and the list goes.
The mainline religious in Africa have not fared better either, the religions of Christianity and Islam still caries its fair share of stigma against women. The same can be found among the traditional religion. Islam takes the lead as one of the leading denigrators of women. Women are are restricted with most repressive laws and are often object of stigma. Most Africa Islamic countries are run by sharia Law which has often targeted women unleashing the often severe restriction on them. For instance in northern Nigeria where sharia Law is in operation, women have far fewer rights than women I'm other places.

There is restriction with regard to dress, social and religious events and even role in the family. The practice of polygamy in Islam also leaves women in a precarious situation. Many a times they ate Left to fend for themselves and their children. For instance in Nigeria, one can already see the consequences in the number of almagiris-street kids littering Nigeria cities often with the men failing to take responsibility of bread winners. Some Islamic sects in Nigeria still practice the seclusion of women and the purdah is a tribute to this. The purdah has become one of the major pillars of male patriarchy and comes in form of complete seclusion.
Again while Muslim male are not required to state the reason for seeking a divorce, women are required to do so.
Recently, some Muslim clerics and even leaders have encouraged and even indulged in the kidnap and forceful conversion to Islam and marriage of underage girls both from Christian and Muslim backgrounds, citing Islamic l

MALE CHAUVINISM AND CHALLENGES OF CONTEMPORARY AFRICAN WOMEN "VOLUME 1"

INTRODUCTION:

Chauvinism is a vocabulary that carries a controversial undertone. Among many masculinity, it is the belief that men are absolutely superior to women while for the feminists, it is a symbol of male oppression and repression of woman.
In African where chauvinism is a strongly entrenched in both the culture and psychology, this given is gradually being challenged by the contemporary emphasis on gender equality, dignity of woman and various feminists movements.
Although chauvinism is seen as outdated behavioural traits that could rightly belong to the age of homohabilis in the West where it has been relatively overshadowed by chivalry, feminism and all sorts of "political correctness", chauvinism seems to be at the crossroad in contemporary African where it stands out that as one of the items for criticism in the kulturkampf (i.e, culture struggle) and institutional changes that is feisty overwhelming the continent.

That chauvinism still persists in alarming rate in African cannot be questioned. This is already evident in the marginalization of woman in politics abuses of woman in the society, lack of legislation tonto protect woman and remnants of various religious and trample on the dignity of woman.
Recently, women have become target of internet abuses, where they suffer sexual crimes like leaking of "sex taps" and various abuses and denigrations.
Issues like rape, abuse of widows, beating of woman, child marriage and female circumcision are yet to be tackled with appropriate legislations in many African countries. Even when such laws exist, implementation is slow given the weak and dysfunctional nature of African judicial system. Social and religious stigmas often ensure that woman suffer silently and because woman cannot compete for good jobs and are predominantly house wives, they are the most vulnerable during economic meltdown. This expose hopes to critically evaluate the reality of chauvinism in African its consequences and how African women are responding to challenges offered by this status quo.

Chauvinism: living the African
Experience: The reality of male chauvinism in African is unquestionable.
It is boldly written in a patriarchal system that simply relates women.
"The feminization of poverty is global because despites the real strides that have been made by woman, there is am overarching failure to integrate a gender perspective into all political, economic and social transformation"
The political,social, religious, traditional and family structures are grounded on a platform that promotes men as superior to women either explicitly and simplicity.

The political landscape in Africa is clearly structured to favour men.

However, this is beginning to change; Rwanda takes the lead as Rwanda women top the world ranking of women in national Parliaments with 49 percent of representation compared to a world average of 15.1per cent. This is not without a great price, after women suffered rape, humiliation, death and sexual harassment in a genocide that spanned hundred days in 1994. In fact, a new constitution gave reserved seats to women in politics and women have participated in drafting constitution and enacting legislations on the country.


Sadly other countries in Africa have fared badly, few countries where women have made inroads in politics is thanks to the quota system which reserves seat in Parliament for women.
However, this approach has elicited strong opposition from some political actors and even from some populace in a society that is acutely patriarchal. Some women ate also cynical that women should join politics. In a society where majority of women are illiterate, some women find it inappropriate that women should compete With men in the political stage and even see the progression of women in politics as a license for looseness and promiscuity.

To be continued in vol.2.

THE BEAUTY OF AFRICAN MARRIAGES

Is there anything really like African Marriage? If there is, what is the nature of the marriage and what has become of it?
Is there a difference between Christian Marriage and African Marriage? Your guess is as good ours. According to the code of canon law (CIC 1055), the marriage institution was raised by Jesus Christ to the level of a sacrament. Hence, as a sacrament of the church it becomes an an avenue for divine human encounter. Anselm Grim in his book "the seven sacraments" sees marriages as not only an emotional phenomenon but remains an institution with a specific structure intended to help it achieve its desire. Marriage from onset suggests belonging to a home or home-making.

Marriage is not a later development in the African environment. The African nation of marriage is connected to their view of immortality, they believe in begetting off-spring through the coming together of a man and a woman in sexual union. Marriage processes are usually elaborate andin some places very exorbitant and tasking; these processes undergone by intending couples are litmus test for ascertaining the level of preparedness on the part of the couple (especially the man) to sustain a family.

However, the nature and place of African marriage has largely been influenced by a lot of negative factors. Marriage which hitherto was seen as a veritable mode of human participation in the creational ability of God has been denigrated; branded archaic, outmoded and misconstrued.

These factors are mainly due to foreign influences whose understanding of marriage run contrary to our African understanding of marriage. In Africa, especially among the Igbo tribe of Nigeria, it is not only the man that has a stake in marriage. The Umunna (kinsmen) has a tremendous role to play in the marriage of Igbo couples such that concept of Ndi Dim (my husbands) among married women is rife. The woman becomes so to speak the wife of everyone from the family of the man. As much, she has the responsibility of showing respect from members of her husband's family. This dimension by theb African understanding of communalism where life, culture, marriage etc has a communal character. Marriage in African is not a special preserve of anyone rather each person has a stake in it's successes and preservation, yet the individual character which pertains to the conjugal life of the couple is maintained.

WHY DO MARRIAGE FAIL

I think marriages fail because intending couple refuse to enter into proper and sincere relationship with God and each other. Those who build their marriages on the foundation of sexual sin eventually find themselves outside the grace of God. Many who fail to prepare very well jump into marriage and eventually jump out frustrated. The marriage covenant should be entered into with full awareness and Gods abiding grace.

If couples are not well groomed in certain marital issues before they get married, such as domestic responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, washing etc), communal prayer, deprivation of sex among them and mutual love in the absence of these, such marriages tend to fail.

Marriages fail because couples fail to prepare adequately for marital life. They occupy their time and resources in chasing after the things that do not matter in the marriage. Some couples prepares so much for the wedding day without a corresponding preparation for marital life. There is need for a spiritual preparation through prayer and fasting, this will bring the couples into a closer union with God and each other thus a family that prays together stays together. God should be the center of very marriage.

Most of the marriages are bewitched mostly by girls who are desperate to marry rich men. Most of them attend fake churches where the general overseer will tell the desperate ladies to bring the name of the man or his picture, so that,they will invoke the spirit of the man, after that the man will start Without solid investigation. Love and understanding keeps marriage.

Marriages fail for many reasons depending on the couples involves and the culture they come from. But a novel tendency which I'd insidiously and aggressively destroying the institution of marriage is the "ideological theory" which objectifies the conjugal love thereby alienating the place of God in marriages. Thus ,any marriage deprived of God is bound to fail.

Marriage fails in various ways but the fundamental cause should be misunderstanding, lack of trust, pride lack of love humility and listening ear, and accepting rumors without solid investigation. Love and understanding keeps marriage.